The Case of the Disappearing Man... Why did he do it?

by Vickie Retro
mylunakiss.com


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It is more common than you think, men that get swallowed up by a black hole of denial and the  "I don't want to deal with this anymore" syndrome and it happens to women a lot more than you think.


I am not referring to men that really vanish that is a serious issue and a different article.

I am talking about men that are in brief or long term relationships with women and all of sudden they are gone...no goodbye, no post it note, no phone call...nada.

Why do they do that? Well, I know why because it happened to me back in the 80's (my favorite era).


Retro 80's Disappearing Man Story:


I was dating this guy on and off for a year, our friendship was cool and he wanted us to be official but I did not want to commit. I was going through my dazed and confused period and commitment sounded like jail sentence to me. Then one day he pulled a disappearing act!


I remember it well, like it was a distant dream, we went on a date to the movies in the village. Our movie choice was the "Bruce Lee Story" and I recall that we were both excited to see it because we really liked martial art films.  Halfway through the movie he looked at me and said, "I have to go the bathroom". I said okay, and I continued to watch the film. I noticed after about 15 minutes that he was still not back from the bathroom so I got up and looked to see if he was okay. I thought maybe he was sick from the those plastic nachos. I knocked on the bathroom door and no answer, I went inside to check to see if he passed out but he was not in the bathroom...it was empty. 


Then I thought, maybe he went back to his seat so I went back to check but he was not there so I thought maybe there was a family emergency. I called his Mom to find out if that was the case. She told me that everything was fine and that she had not heard from him. I walked back to the subway in a daze wondering what the hell in a hand basket and WHY ME? I decided to take the train back home but before I got on the train I decided to ask the police officer standing guard. I asked, "Officer is it possible that a 6'6 guy, age 21 can just disappear?" Then I told him the rest of the story and he said, "No, not really, maybe he does not want to be found." The cop was right and my guy was MIA for almost 3 months because he did not respond to any of my attempts at contact.


I spent the rest of the summer wondering every now and then "why" and "why me"and then one day I received a letter in the mail from my guy explaining everything (this was before email was popular). He wrote that he did not want to get hurt again and he was tired of discussing our relationship and did not want to deal with saying goodbye and he wanted a clean break so he decided to leave.



Did I ever forgive him? Yes!

Did I date him again? No but we remained friends.


My point is that some men don't like confrontation or dealing with drama or don't have the guts to deal with a negative outcome so they flee.

MyLunakiss Action Plan for the Disappearing Man:


Remember, don't panic, he is an adult although he may not act like one.


Ask yourself these three questions:
    1. Did you become to clingy, needy or dependent? If yes, to any of these questions then he left because he did not want a dramatic scene and no strings
    2. Did he not share personal things with you? Did he share his job information, where he lives, his private cell, home phone or anything else that you may have shared with him? If No, to any of these question then he is either married, engaged, in a long term relationship or hiding something from you and it makes it easier to exit without a conversation. Note: If you went on less than 3 date this does not count.
    3. Did he not return your emails, SMS, Facebook wall posts, voicemails or phone calls and you know he is okay then he no longer wants contact. Maybe he does not want the pressure of taking the relationship to another level with you or like my story he does not want to be rejected but this happen less often.
Remember men who disappear are not worth it because a real man stays, explains and shows you respect.


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